Little thoughts jotted down

The Deal...

2010-02-22T18:36:00.000-08:00

After much prayer, thought, and what seemed like hours (but really wasn't) of staring at the computer screen, I've realized that I think this blog has served its purpose.

Originally, this forum was a pre-facebook way to stay connected with friends of old and new. Then as my personal life road became rocky, the blog became a way to chart my thoughts, growth, and served at times as a lifeline line to connect with other brokenhearted.

What I'm saying is, I think "this" particular blog story or chapter has come to an end.... So I won't be updating the Jotter.

However, fear not my single (or singular?) reader! I have started a new blog with new topics and hopefully new 'news' over at wordpress.com

I have recruited a co-writer who will be contributing. We hope to tackle new subjects, lessons, and what-not as single girls striving to find love, happiness, friendship and balance, while trying living everyday in Christ.

So, if you're still occasionally reading here and have an extra minute, please stop by www.meetingatthewell.wordpress.com and say hello!!

xoxox, Jeanne

COMING BACK!!!

2009-12-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

I'm finally feeling blog inspired again... but I want to revamp the direction of this blog.....

So coming soon and stay tuned!!

100 updated...

2009-06-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

I made a list of 100 random facts in November 2007. Recently I challenged a friend to make a similar list, which made me revisit my list... I thought it would be fun to update the list a bit as some of my 'random facts' have evolved....

1. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (still is, all the yummy food and family without having to purchase gifts!)

2. I just started drinking peppermint tea, and I now love it more than coffee. (i'm back to coffee...though i still have a fondness for the tea which my brother, sis-in-law and mother now share)

3. I take my first professional golf lesson tomorrow (still taking lessons! and i love it!)

4. I am absolutely in love with my dog. (love turned into obsession :) he's the best!)

5. I am writing this list to avoid giving the dog a bath (he currently needs another bath...)

6. Reading is my favorite way to spend an afternoon (yep)

7. I HATE being cold. I'd rather sweat than shiver (double yep)

8. Spaghetti O's is my favorite comfort food (while i haven't actually eaten spaghetti o's in over a year, i still have nostalgic feelings for them)

9. I had my tonsils out one year ago

10. I've never had stitches (not to date!)

11. I've only been to the ER once in my life (same)

12. I am a morning person (rise and shine!!!)

13. I ate a whole bag of m&m's when I was 12 and got sick

14. I didn't eat m&m's for 5 years (had some the other day)

15. I'd rather have sweet than salty foods

16. I cried everyday for 2 months when I moved to Jacksonville. (i'm down to every other day now)

17. I have Tupac and Celine Dion on my ipod (i now have a new ipod. unfortunately 2pac and celine didn't make the cut)

18. I think I've read all of James Pattersons books (not true anymore....i could never really get into the murder club series)

19. Narnia is my favorite movie - ever! (it's still one of my favs)

20. Harrison Ford is still my favorite actor despite the fact that he is dating Allie McBeal (did they get married? he might lose a point if they did...)

21. Canada would not let me across the border when I was 5 and had chicken pox (i'm considering giving Canda another shot...)

22. I do not have a favorite color. (true)

23. Peony's are my favorite flower (true, but they are so hard to find)

24. Sushi is my favorite meal to eat out (same!)

25. I can't eat fish if I cook it (i can now cook salmon or shimp and eat it)

26. I hate to pump gas and will do almost anything to avoid it (still true, if i ever offer to loan you my car...check the gas gauge before agreeing :)

27. I have no idea how much a gallon of milk cost. ($2??)

28. I would fail miserably on Price is Right

29. I didn't go to the dentist for 14 years (this reminds me i need to schedule an appt)

30. I've never regretted moving away from St. Louis (still don't)

31. My parents are two of my best friends (love you both!)

32. I've owned 4 cars in my life (still have the 4th)

33. I've wrecked two cars of the 4 cars (knock on wood)

34. I've had more than 10 speeding tickets (LOTS of warning but no more tickets)

35. I still speed (i am getting better)

36. I've had 2 gerbils, and two dogs as pets. (i forgot to mention the AWFUL parakeet birds momma brought home one year)

37. I wear contacts and am blind with out them (just had to get a stronger prescription)

38. I am adopted

39. I don't know how to drive a stick shift (grind it till ya find it!)

40. My brother taught me how to drive (which really explains all the speeding tickets)

41. I used to read the dictionary in the bathroom (i'm strictly business now)

42. I'm a horrible speller (already used spell check twice updating)

43. I hated school (hates a strong word, and i had a few years that weren't so bad)

44. I have PCOS (i'm amazed at how many women have this in common with me)

45. I lock myself out of the house often (i hide keys everywhere now or just don't lock the door)

46. I've never run out of gas (still true)

47. I've lived in MO, CA, & FL (add NC)

48. I'm awful at returning phone calls and emails (i'm getting better... i think..)

49. I just learned how to balance a checkbook (yay online banking!!!)

50. I loved summer camp (i hope to go back and visit someday)

51. 2nd grade and sophomore year were my favorite in school

52. Truman is sitting in my lap and really needs a bath (he's laying next to me, and yes does need a bath)

53. I never went to prom (maybe this year :)

54. I speak too often before I think (i've really tried to work on this and hope i've made some progress)

55. I wish I lived closer to my family (or they lived closer to me!)

56. I have horrible motion sickness (is there a 'cure' for this?)

57. I am allergic to penicillin (i have yet to chance it - though i know sometimes people grow out of this)

58. I have no food allergies

59. I'm only suppose to eat 100g of carbs a day.

60. I always go over 100g (i think I managed to keep it under a 100 yesterday)

61. I like to see different cities (love! anyone want a visitor?)

62. But I don't like the travel part of traveling (i've changed my attitude on this...it's all part of the adventure. plus you never know who you're going to meet along the way)

63. I like solitude (still do)

64. I hate goodbyes (still do)

65. I cry often when I pray (still do. prayer is such a powerful connection)

66. I drink hot chocolate even in the summer (i just made a cup of chocolate mint truffle tea - close right?)

67. Fiji water is my favorite (honestly since my time in Cambodia i try to drink tap water more often. but when i do purchase bottled Smartwater is my new fave)

68. I can tell the difference between Aquafina, Dasani, and Zepherhills water (still can)

69. I prefer red wine to anything else (i should have specified i prefer it to any other alcoholic beverage)

70. I prefer hockey to football (still do - buuuttt... the season is getting a bit long...)

71. I'm right handed

72. I only just stopped hating my first name (sorry mom)

73. Barbie was my favorite toy

74. All of my Barbie's got 'haircuts'

75. I strongly dislike reality TV (my dislike has turned to hatred - and yes i know i said hate is a strong word)

76. and no I'm not smarter than a 5th grader (this is probably still true)

77. I cannot go #2 away from home. (i'm cured! no i won't give details!)

78. #77 makes it really hard to travel

79. I used to call my nose a pig nose

80. I've always wanted a nose job (still do)

81. I'm to scared to get one (still am)

82. I did get veneers

83. It was sooo painful

84. I'm so happy I got them

85. I'm happier when I'm tan (status: currently tan and happy!)

86. I prefer massages and pedicures (again should have specified to any other salon treatment)

87. I've never had a facial that felt good (haven't had a facial in YEARS...)

88. I have grey hair (the grey has miraculously turned into blonde!!)

89. I pull out the gray hair (see above miracle)

90. I don't think Truman is getting a bath tonight (he's going to the groomers tomorrow)

91. I don't like talking on the phone, but get sad when people don't call (i now get to talk on the phone all day with my new job! it's not so bad)

92. My skin breaks out in red when I get nervous (cheeks, chest area, arms...it's really embarrassing)

93. I always fall asleep with the TV on (i stopped for months, but have just started doing this again)

94. I prefer heels to flats (yes, but i'm in flip flops more often than not these days)

95. I will suffer for fashion (always)

96. I want to go to Italy (yes please!!)

97. It takes me a couple tries to swallow a pill (still does)

98. I take three big pills every night (still should)

99. My favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird (i have a couple of other favorites too, but this one made such an impact on me when i read it the first time)

100. I love how many people I've reconnected with through blogging! (Absolutely!!)

Don't Spit In the Wind (and other things I've learned in life thus far)

2009-06-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

In honor of my birthday next week (didn't I just have one of these last year?!!) I thought I would compile a list of lessons that have been influential to me over the past year(s). Some of these lessons come from advice passed along, and some I've learned through experience. All I hope to continue to be applied in my life for the next 30 years....

I hope some of them benefit you too...

1. It takes a long time to become the person you want to be.

2. You shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

3. Either you control your attitude, or it will control you.

4. It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometime you have to learn to forgive yourself.

5. You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be a person who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

6. No matter how much you care, some people just don't care back.

7. It takes years to build trust, and only seconds to break it.

8. Just because two people argue doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue doesn't mean they do.

9. Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that never gives me the right to be cruel.

10. No matter how bad my heart is broken, the world doesn't stop to grieve.

11. Your life can be changed in a matter of moments by people who don't even know you.

12. Don't be so eager to find out a secret - it could change your life forever.

13. Never pretend to be something your not.

14. Love has nothing to do with looks.

15. Kindness and hard work can sometimes get you further than intelligence.

16. People deserve a second chance.

17. Stepping outside your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you often can't grasp now.

18. Taking ownership of failures helps build the foundations of success.

19. Make the choice to cultivate gratitude everyday.

20. My parents really do know more than I give them credit for.

21. Love is a gift - freely given or received - the choice is mine.

22. Happiness is not based on external status but is an internal state.

23. Remember what your mother taught you. It comes from the most sacred place that love exists.

24. The source of most anxiety is from living in the future or the past.

25. Your beliefs filter your reality.

26. Perfection is my enemy.

27. Read Pslams. The book contains every human emotion.

28. Say yes to a random adventure.

29. Sometimes good-bye is a second chance.

30. If it changes your life, let it. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

31. God is always good.

When God Says Hush!

2009-06-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

My blog friend Amanda asked me quite awhile ago to write on the subject of how I practice being silent before God. More in the sense of meditation, rather than giving Him the silent treatment.

Unfortunately, I have been giving Him more of the silent treatment, rather than taking the time to practice the discipline of being silent BEFORE Him and learning to listen.

So, today, instead of writing a post on how I try to LISTEN to HIM, I’ll share how HE makes me silent.

It’s a painfully blessed discipline from Him. One lesson, that He makes me repeatedly learn. And after He does I always through my tears, count my blessings.

I’m back living in Jacksonville. My eyes well up with tears just typing that. It’s hard to believe life has circled back here. Never has one city encompassed so much emotion for me. Some good, some bad, some self-inflicted, some not. There’s just a lot of history here for me.

I’m a forward motion person. It’s hard for me to look back and reflect. And that is what is being required of me stepping back into life here.

I’ve known for a couple of months that the move to Jax was in coming. However, I did almost everything in my power to crowd my life with so many worldly activities that I scarcely had time to stress or address how this was effecting (affecting? help grammar police) my spiritual life.

In the process of be so busy, I began giving God the silent treatment. I don’t think I intentionally started the practice. It's just so easy to do.

My prayers became more rushed. Morning devotionals were skimmed, or not made time for. I stopped going to church. Then eventually, I took the mindset that I was doing this all on my own anyway. After awhile my spiritual life went completely silent.

Flat-lined would be a better description.

Then, once again, HE steps in and silents ME. Worldly, false crutches have been stripped away. Foolishness has been disciplined. And decisions based on unrighteous knowledge have been exposed by His truth. Ouch.

And, honestly? It’s not the first time I’ve found myself here. I’ve confessed to it before. But having circled this block before, thankfully I can recognize how to get back to where I need to be….. Silent before HIM. Listening. Learning. Loving.

It hurts when your Father says no. But oh so beneficial.

Salvaged Cambodia Pictures!!!

2009-04-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a few friends in Cambodia who were kind to forward their pictures, I am able to share a few photos of my activities.

Below is a sweet boy who was the official shoe straightener at the entrance of Wat Phnom (temple). He is malformed in both arms and has a total of 4 fingers. But what a beautiful smile!!

In a window on top of Bayon Temple. Built around the year 900 in Siem Reap.

Playing with the kids in the remote village of Krang Popleak. This is the inside of their pre-school which was built by Sustainable Cambodia. I was taking pictures of the kids with my digital camera and then showing them the images of themselves. So fun! One little girl grabbed the camera out of my hand and started taking pictures of me! She caught on right away at how to work the buttons.

This is Threy (sp?) He says he has never been to school, but speaks English fairly well. He works along the Boeung Kak Lake (where the Government is doing the forced evictions) selling books. His shirt said "hip hop" on it, and when I asked him if he knew what hip hop was, he answered "yo yo yo" and threw me the peace sign. Nice.

Riding an elephant!!! Check mark on the bucket list :)

Questions?

2009-04-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

I hate that I haven't taken time to blog about the Cambodia trip. I've sat and stared at the computer more than once trying to organize my thoughts, feelings, experiences, but it's almost too much for me to put into words. I came home with a real sense of helplessness.

Besides having my camera stolen, the trip was pretty flawless from a logistical standpoint. We visited three cities in two weeks. We started in Phnom Penh, flew to Siem Reap, then drove to Pursat and back to Phnom Penh.

I believe that the producer was able to capture the shots he desired, and I in turn got to meet and work with two different NGO (non-government organizations) who are doing some incredible things. Among the positive notable experiences was spending time riding a moto through the countryside meeting different farming families and riding an elephant.

It was a quick, long trip.

Up on my return I received the following email from the producer of the documentary:

So I was in church last night.

I thanked God for my safe return. I was thankful I didn't get sick.

But I asked: why are there 1,000 people left on a side of a road in the middle of no where?

The Cambodian government (which is little more than a regime) is forcefully evicting thousands from their homes in the name of progress. You can read about it here.

But devastation and tragedy are hardly news in Cambodia anymore. It is truly overwhelming to walk the streets and see the constant need in EVERY area. From the basics of clean drinking water to the deep spiritual. Most everyone needs something.

It physically hurts my heart.

I'm not okay after this trip. During the first week back I was carrying around such heavy feelings of uselessness. Like I'm not doing enough to fight the injustice of level of poverty in Cambodia. I struggle with understanding, too, at how so many of God's children are without.

I question God. A lot.

And when I don't get the answer I either a) quit asking or b) give him the silent treatment.

Neither of these productive.

I read a devotional the other day focusing on 2 Chronicles 20. Around verse 15 Jahaziel speaks to Judah for the Lord saying "Do not be afraid or discouraged..... For the battle is not yours, but God's"

I guess in someway this is my answer.

It is not for me to understand why or how the world works. It is broken. We live in a broken world, not the intended paradise God had planned for us. And while HE has provided a plan to salvation, we in essence will have to live in the aftermath of sin until His time.

It still hurts me to look into the eyes of people who are no different than me, other than where we were chosen to be born. But I guess I need to remember that as much as it hurts me, My Father actually understands what was to be. And that must hurt Him so deeply.

I don't know if I'll go back to Cambodia. I feel like this trip was a sort of closure for me. I'm hoping that I can now take the knowledge and deep empathy of my experience there and apply it locally.

But..... who knows what God has planned..... It is after all HIS war.

How To Install Love

2009-03-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

A call comes through the customer service line....

Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install divine love. Can you guide me through the process?

CS Rep: Yes, I can help. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your heart. Have you located your heart ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own call HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your heart. Do you see that divine message?

Customer: Yes, I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops... I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message to say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 4:12 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS" What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external Hearts but has not yet run on your Heart. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means that you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory call SELF.ACCEPTANCE?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the MYHEART directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any programming. Also you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.

Customer: Got it! Hey!! My Heart is filing up with new files. How divine it is now! SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows PEACE.EXE and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my Heart. Is this normal?

CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?

CS Rep: You can call me Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual check-up to stay heart healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency...

(from www.lovethissite.com)

2009-03-17T03:58:00.000-07:00

It's my last day here. Amazing, heartbreaking and truly humbling trip.

I'm ready to come home though.

And not just because....

My camera along with all of my pictures was stolen today.

I'm pretty upset, but trying to keep a humble perspective.

It was a tangible item. But, compared to the obscene poverty I have taken in this week losing a camera is nothing.

But it still sucks.

I have more stories once I'm stateside.

Blessed be the name of the Lord! For HE is GOOD.

Checking In

2009-03-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

It has been a great week in Phnom Penh. I came down with a cold on Wednesday but seem to be battling back. I think I pretty much just sweated it out.

I had the opportunity to stop by the Partners In Progress house and catch up with some of the staff and teachers I worked with here last year. It was great to see them. They are hard up for teachers at the moment, and I have to admit I briefly entertained the idea of staying a bit longer...

We arrived in Siem Reap today at 7:40 am and immediately took off to the temples to begin filming. According to the film maker the light was beautiful this morning.

It is now mid-day, meaning its too hot and the light to bright to shoot, so we checked into the hotel and will start back up again around 2:30.

Our tour guide is fabulous. He is a young man in his early 20's studying to be a teacher here in Siem Reap. He of course is eager to practice his language skills and learn some slang. He also has a great sense of humor, so the day has been quite enjoyable with him.

We'll be in Siem Reap until Sunday, when we leave for Pursat. It is a 4-5 taxi ride. I have never been to that particular Province, but form what I have learned it is fairly rural compared to Phnom Penh and Siem Reap. Squatty potty here I come!!

There's your quick update. I'm off to ring out my sweat soaked clothes and sit under the Air-Con for a bit.

Thanks for the continued prayers.

Facebook vs. Blogger

2009-03-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

I figured out a way to get my photos off my camera. So, while blogger would not let me upload photos here, Facebook was more than willing to cooperate!! If you are on Facebook feel free to check out what my first few days of Cambodia has been filled with.

2009-03-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to spend yesterday evening hanging out with this organization and their kids. It is such a great program here in Cambodia. Please take a moment to check out the YouTube video and link.

Tiny Toones of Cambodia

Which would you like first?...

2009-03-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Good news or bad news?

How about the good news......

I'm here safe and sound. Luggage arrived successfully, hotel is great, weather is hot but manageable and the mango still taste as delicious as ever. The transition was easy, now that I know what to expect and where to find things.

The bad news.....

I forgot my camera cord. So no pictures to download. I think I might know where to purchase one, so keep your fingers crossed.

I had a great day exploring the city yesterday. I went to both of the major open markets and a few of the local temples.

We begin shooting today and are pretty much jam on it for the rest of the week.

I'll try to be a bit more descriptive tonight.

Thanks for the continued prayers!!!!

Same Song... Second Verse...

2009-03-02T12:49:00.000-08:00

With my trip to Cambodia rapidly approaching I have had little time to stop and reflect that I am indeed going back there, but last night as I began to get my documents in order and start the packing process, I found myself being pulled back into memories and emotions of this time last year.

It's hard to believe that a little over a year ago had you asked me to point out Phnom Penh on a map it would have taken me a bit to even find what country it was located in.

For many different reasons I am looking forward to this trip. I feel like I'm so different than who I was last year. As I look back to where I was at my life last year, I can see that I was living as a shell of a person.

Comparatively, everything about me last year seemed desperate, broken, and weak.

My faith was desperate. My heart was broken. And any hope for the future was weak.

Its hard to think back to that. To remember why, and how.

But this time, this trip, I have such different expectations.

God's hand totally led the way last year. While my faith was desperate, His was firm. While I thought my broken heart would hurt forever, He had already begun the healing. And my future while unknown (and still is) had (has) already been planned with eternal love.

Its awesome to be able to have the opportunity to revisit a defining chapter in my life. To look back and see the poetic "footprints".

I can't wait to see what God has planned for this trip :)!!!

ps. I went to the Cardinals game on Saturday - IT WAS AWESOME!!! My feet rested on the dugout - unfortunately the batteries in my camera died :(

2009-02-27T10:17:00.000-08:00

Soooooo.........

"The guy" did end up handling the poop pretty well.

Buuuuttttt.......

We're not dating anymore. As Judy mentioned in the comments, sometimes, when dating we try to make things fit when they don't really. It didn't.

In other news I'm heading back to Cambodia for a quick stint March 6th-17th. (I'd love tips on jetlag if anyone has suggestions)

I'm not returning to work with the same program. I struggled a bit with the decision to go being that this trip is more geared towards humanitarian efforts rather than evangelical, but ultimately the chance to serve and help in making a documentary that will educate more people on what is going on in Cambodia was one I couldn't pass on.

I've finally settled in South Florida, rented an apartment and purchased some furniture!

It's still hard to believe that I'm back living here.

I'll post some pictures of the new place.

For all you Cardinal Fans the spring training stadium is less that 200 yards from my apartment!! I missed Wednesdays opening game but have tickets to attend Saturdays game. I'll definitely post some pictures of that!!

blog blocked

2009-02-14T12:52:00.001-08:00

i'm blog blocked. i don't know what to write about.

any suggestions?

Friends

2009-01-24T07:28:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite things about blogging is the opportunity to keep up with friends and family.

I've learned more about brother and sister-in-law via their blog than I have in weekends spent together. I've shared in tears of joy and heartache with friends thousands of miles away because they blog about it. I've had the chance to make new friends and rekindled lost relationships.

And because of this blog phenomenon, while in St. Louis over Christmas, I had the fabulous opportunity to meet up with these two bloggers....

Andrea, Kellie, and I have known each other for more that 16 (18?) years. We've gone through TABS, summer camps, youth groups, boyfriends, cars, and last but not least, jobs together. I've sang with these girls, prayed with these girls, fought with these girls, and unfortunately lost track of these girls.

I can't speak for them, but when I sat down, and the three of us were together for the first time in many many years, I felt like I was putting something back in my life that was comfortable and familiar.

Even though we are not as close as we once were, I knew I could still look at these two and share my secrets, hear their stories, and be comforted by their presence.

And I knew this, because, while we have all wandered our own paths, had some stumbles and lived different lives, the foundation of our friendship was built on an everlasting Rock.

Kellie and Andrea, I know this post is long over due, but I want you both to know how much I loved catching up with you. I pray for you often. My heart is filled with love and pride at what beautiful women and mothers you have become. I'm saddened at the years lost, but so thankful for the grace and time we now share.

I can't wait to see you again!

Labels for this post: Mortified, TMI, Dating, & What Would You Do?

2009-01-10T09:35:00.001-08:00

I have been contemplating over the past couple of days what to update my blog with. Most of the things going on as of late require lengthy explanations, and well.... I'm a lazy blogger.

However, I had an incident this morning that I might as well share, and maybe get some opinions on.

Before I get to the said incident, let me preface first:

I have recently begun dating again.

I'm not good at dating.

I mean, I like the social aspect of it. I love the free meals, entertainment, etc. BUT, I hate the post date anxiety. The "Did it go well?" "Did I talk to much?" The dreaded "Is he going to call?" And let's not for get the "What am I going to wear?" stress!

Yet, just before New Year's I got over myself and agreed to go out with someone. And I really enjoyed myself. He was great! The dating was great! I don't think I talked to much and after some "is he going to call?" anxiety - he called!!

After a few more dates, I started to think that maybe it wasn't going to be so bad - this dating thing. Maybe I could do this! He even understood and accepted me as a package deal with Truman!

So here I am starting 2009 with finally letting my guard down a bit, enjoying myself, getting to know this great guy and still getting spend some QT with Truman!

Life's good right?!

Let's fast forward to last night....

"The Guy" wanted to take me out to one of his favorite restaurants. It's down in his town, about an hour south of me. Since its a bit of a drive, I decided to bring Truman to his house to hang out while we go out.

And the evening was great! I'll spare you the details of the date, but by the end of dinner I was really letting go of my anxieties!

About 20 minutes ago my warm fuzzy feelings just all came crashing down.

When I got a text from "The Guy".

Last night. Truman. Pooped. In. His. House.

Three. Times.

Twice. On. The. Nice. Dining. Room. Carpet.

I didn't see it. So it sat there all night until "The Guy" saw it this morning.

I'm mortified. Beyond mortified. "The Guy" is understandably a bit pissed.

I obviously offered to pay to have the carpet cleaned. Replaced even.

My question? Would this be a deal breaker for you if you were "The Guy"? He doesn't own a dog, is meticulously clean and now his carpet has Truman's # 2 on it.

Truman's now incarcerated behind bars for illegal dumping.

Just kidding buddy. I still love you!

I Run.

2008-12-16T17:00:00.000-08:00

I run for exercise.

But let me clarify.

I don't run because I necessarily enjoy it.

I don't run with a trendy jogging group or at a fancy gym. I don't run for the commercial health benefits.

No. I run for vanity.

I run so that I can eat a big plate of pasta. I run so I can have the french fries once an awhile. I run because I LOVE chocolate. Yes, I run so I can enjoy the glutinous pleasures but still fit into my 'skinny jeans'. I run so I can feel good about myself physically. Running for me, does not have much to do with the inner self, but more the physical self.

But running for me requires endurance.

I endure running so I can reap the benefits of the calories burned. I endure the occasional shin splints so I can eat one more bite of steak. I endure the extra early mornings so I can eat the unneeded appetizer of fried calamari. I endure so I can physically benefit.

But, honestly? I hate running. When I run, I argue, negotiate, bargain and even plead with myself. (I could make a stellar career defending those who didn't want to run just one more block.)

Moral of my running?

I endure, so I can reap physical benefits.

I feel like this is where I'm at in my relationship with God.

I'm enduring. I'm enduring because I know I need to. I'm enduring because I want the comfort that God promises those who are faithful to Him. I'm enduring because I'm learning real faith is a marathon, not a sprint.

To maintain my relationship with Him, I must endure. I can't run to Jesus once an month and expect HIm to fit!

So as I race into this new year I pray for strength and endurance. Not so much for my physical running, but my spiritual. Because that is the marathon that really counts!

What State am I in?

2008-11-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

Besides feeling like I'm in a constant state of transition, I'm back living in Florida. South Florida to be more accurate.

Please pray that I find a church home, some friends, and most importantly an apartment. Truman is living else where while I'm looking for a temporary residence, and I sure do miss him.

Slightly more talented that Truman. Slightly.

2008-10-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

Nip Tuck

2008-09-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

Since my brother had the link on his site, I decided to go ahead and Simpsonize myself too...

Also I left a smart comment on his, so Jim feel free to comment.

Here's what I'd look like if I lived in Springfield, USA:

Here's the photo I used for "Simpsonation".

Do you think Jim and I look more related animated?

Where I'm at Today

2008-09-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

Not physically - although it's North Carolina for those still trying to keep up. But only for 4 more weeks, then I'm off to south Florida for the winter.

I meant where I'm at today in the spiritual sense.

I have had four beautiful months in the mountains, full of inner exploration, quiet time, and self discovery. The gifts and the way God has provided for me has been infinite. The scars of last year have started to heal - still very raw, but less tender. My backyard, my playgrounds are truly majestic. My financial future seems mostly secure. Life has sifted the friends that probably were not the best influence and reintroduced those who will be a lifetime friendship.

And yet my prayers are still full of wanting more.

This nomadic lifestyle is not what I wanted. These gifts are not what I asked for. The physical lonely steals the shine from the spiritual gifts. The Darkness dims the Light. I wanted a home. I wanted girlfriends that I can go out to dinner with. I wanted a church home where I connect with others week after week. I want to belong somewhere.

Oh what God (and probably you reading this) must think of me.

I'm frustrated. I'm lonely. I'm spiritually exhausted.

I know I should be content. Fulfilled. Renewed.

I'm not.

I struggle with knowing God's plan is better than what I could even begin to ask for. I struggle with the silence. I struggle with not having control or a glimpse of my future. I struggle with the fact that I had all the things (material) that I wanted and now its all gone.

I'm ungrateful. I'm selfish. I'm sinful.

Thankfully, despite myself, I know I'm still one of God's beloved.

That's where I'm at today.

whew!

2008-09-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

four states.

one week.

tons of laughs.

lots of pictures.

but first.

sleep.

i heart NC

2008-09-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

exploring chattooga headwaters trail.

bust your butt falls. yes, mother that is the name :)

black-eyed susans and rainbow falls.

looking down rainbow falls

found shelter under a granite rock during an hour long intense rainstorm.

Wanted: Motivational Help

2008-08-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

I need to add some new tunes to my ipod for my runs up the mountain trials. What songs get ya'll going?!!!

A Day In The Life Of...

2008-08-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

A Happy Mountain Dog....

Farewell My Old Friend

2008-08-15T15:26:00.000-07:00

It's a sad sad day. Click here to see why.

I got tagged

2008-08-13T04:47:00.000-07:00

How it works:
1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning.
2. Each player answers questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and post their names, then goes to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the players blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answers

Where were you 5 years ago?
Doing the same thing Andrea was.

What are 5 things on your to do list for today?
1. Exercise (although currently i'm using that alloted time blogging)
2. Go to work
3. Create a post card mailing for said work
4. Get my hair colored (in the mountains??! we'll see how this goes..)
5. Go on dinner date

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
1. Carrots and Peanut Butter
2. Cheese
3. Banana and Peanut Butter
4. Hummus, honey, and crackers
5. Hot Chocolate

What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Donate
2. Allow all of my family members to quit their jobs and work just for the fun of it (I wouldn't want anyone to get bored)
3. Donate
4. Travel
5. Donate, donate, donate

What are five of your bad habits ?
1. Not returning phone calls
2. Not returning emails
3. Forgetting special occasions
4. Not listening
5. Avoiding things

What are five places you've lived?
1. Missouri
2. California
3. Sarasota, Florida
4. Jacksonville, Florida
5. North Carolina

What are 5 jobs you've had?
1. Hostess and Fuddruckers (I got fired for eating French Fries while on duty??)
2. Shoe sales (Yaaaaaay Andrea & Kellie)
3. Medical Billing
4. Investment Banking
5. Retail Buyer

Five people I tag.
1. Sara M.
2. The Crump/mom-b
3. Jesse H.
4. Liz Dean
5. Jim

Shhh....

2008-08-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are will me; your rod and staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

Choosing Sides

2008-07-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

I do not often publicly voice my opinion regarding politics, particularly in a forum such as a blog. I'm not much of a debater, nor do I enjoy politically sparing. However, I came across the following article in the North Carolina Highlands Times and thought it was such a good read I should pass it along.

I do welcome your opinions.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Introduction:

Welcome to Toastmasters, June 13, 2033. That's right: 2033.

Today Rick Campbell, one of our senior members at age 87, is here to reminisce a bit and give us a history lesson. He says he is so old that he learned to drive an internal combustion engine car (remember those) with a manual transmission. He once owned a typewriter. He remembers when bicycles had one speed, phones had two-party lines, and cameras had something called film. As incredible as this may seem, he says that when he was young, it was common for people to smoke in restaurants and public places. He is from a different time; almost a different world.

I'm sure all of us are far too familiar with the tragic events of 2010, so Rick is not going to plow that fertile field again. Instead, he is going to give us a personal look back at the conditions which led up to that fateful year, in a speech titled "2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President."

"2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President"

Yes, 2010 was long ago and far away.

As we look back on history, it appears that some Presidents had an easy ride- times of growth and stability. Teddy Roosevelt, Warren G. Harding, Dwight Eisenhower, Bill Clinton comes to mind. Those were good years to be President.

Others were elected just when the Republic was facing terrible crises: Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Roosevelt, and George W. Bush. They rose to the occasion, even though they were controversial and widely hated while in office. Not such good years to be President.

Just a few years prior, in 2008, the country began foundering. We were in the sixth year of the Iraqi Occupation, and the economy was flat. The mainstream press clearly wanted a Democrat elected.

Although we didn't know it until some years later, oil producing nations had colluded to secretly buy their own oil on the open market, driving oil prices to shocking levels above the true demand price- reaching a high of $162 a barrel in October, 2008, just before the general elections.

Their purpose was simple: to effect regime change in the United States.

And of course, the U.S. economy was already in a real estate slump and also suffering the curse of stagflation; slow growth and high inflation.

There were a million home foreclosures.

Independent truckers went under by the thousands.

Airlines failed. Airlines with names now long-forgotten: United, Delta, Northwestern, American. All now merged, of course, into the one lone U.S. carrier we love so much: Southwest.

Against this backdrop of weariness of the war on terror, and economic distress, the American people were ripe for a demagogue, and they certainly got one in Barack Hussein Obama.

He and his running mate Kathleen Sibelius inspired them with vague notions of hope and change; of a world in which diplomacy settled all international problems, of free universal health care, of abundant alternative energy, of peace and love.

It was a vision too good to resist.

The Republican nominee, a name you probably haven't heard in years anyone? Yes, it was John McCain, an obscure Senator from Arizona had no clue how to run a national campaign, and a platform nearly as liberal as Obama's.

The selection of Condoleeza Rice as his running mate looked brilliant at first. Unfortunately, black voters viewed her as white, and women voters viewed her as one of the guys.

Even so, the McCain/Rice ticket would have won the election if it weren't for the fact that 16 percent of conservative Republicans voted for anyone remember? That's right, Bob Barr, another name that's a footnote in history.

After Obama's narrow win, thanks to recounts in Broward County, Florida, the country was positively giddy. A Democrat House, Senate, and President. At last an end to gridlock in Washington. Camelot!

When Congress convened in January, 2009, the 44th President of the United States did something unique in history: he made good on his campaign promises.

Certainly most Americans never really thought he was serious during the campaign. But whether because of inexperience, idealism, or simply incompetence, he followed through.

In Obama's first One Hundred Days, the Congress passed his initiatives, and he signed them into law as he said he would.

He repealed the Bush tax cuts, and increased capital gains taxes.

He enacted a windfall profits tax, and instituted price controls on gasoline and diesel fuel.

He passed universal health care, which added an additional 10 percent tax increase on all working Americans, and he signed the Immigrant Amnesty bill which created 12 million new citizens instantly, each with entitlements.

He closed the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, and summarily released all the detainees.

He repealed the Patriot Act, and cut funding for espionage, and eliminated all terrorist listening and wiretaps.

Most important, he began the complete and immediate withdrawal of all American troops from Iraq.

He ignored the advice of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who wanted to retain bases in Kuwait and Qatar. Instead, he went with the recommendation of Secretary of Defense Dennis Kucinich, and ordered all troops back to U.S. soil.

Viola! In One Hundred Days, by May of 2009, it was all done, and the vision was complete. He did exactly what he said he would do.

And so it was in the summer of 2009 that things began to unravel for Obama.

Of course, the economy needed a tax cut, not an increase, and unemployment quickly rose to 12 percent. Even attorneys and economists were put in the bread lines. Hard times.

Price controls on gasoline immediately led to shortages and gas lines.

The global cooling trend we have seen for the past 25 years first became obvious in 2009, exposing the CO2 global warming fraud. People were justifiably angry.

Federal deficits increased massively because thousands of baby boomers, facing job loss and much higher taxes, simply gave up and took social security.

Although the superb U.S. health care system was thrown into disarray, the bright spot was the creation of the Federal Department of Health care, and the immediate hiring of 250,000 administrators, inspectors and auditors, the only job growth in any economic sector in 2009.

By February 2010, the U.S. military withdrawal from Iraq was complete. It was a very expensive undertaking.

And then in March, the gradual Shiite insurgencies from Iran turned into a true Iraqi civil war. In May, Iranian tanks crossed the border and quickly took Baghdad. Although the exact number is not know, at least 230,000 Sunni Iraqis died as we stood by.

Iran also quickly moved into undefended Kuwait.

President Obama did exactly what he said he would. He sent Secretary of State Maria Cantwell to Tehran to meet with Iranian President Ahmadinejad.

After two weeks of high level talks, the United States agreed to allow Iran to retain Iraq and Kuwait to create stability in the Middle East, with the understanding that Israel would not be disturbed.

Cantwell returned to Washington, and explained the agreement in her famous speech, in which she proudly noted that the Obama administration had finally achieved "peace in our time" in the Middle East.

So there was some surprise at the rocket attacks on Tel Aviv on August
14th.

President Obama said, "This is not the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad I knew."

The Obama administration decided it would be de-stabilizing to take sides in the conflict, and approximately 29,000 Israeli civilians died during the summer and fall.

American Jews were appalled at the inaction. Yes, in 2 010 most American Jews were Democrats, but because of 2010, they are solid Republicans today.

As awkward as it was, everything might have turned out all right for the Obama administration going into the fall mid-term elections of 2010, if it hadn't been for the dirty bomb in the Port of Long Beach.

The administration had cut funding for the inspection of containers, because they felt it showed a "lack of trust" in the international trading community.

It wasn't really a very big bomb, and thank goodness, not a real nuclear device, but nonetheless it contaminated some expensive real estate- Newport Beach, Palos Verdes Estates- and ultimately caused the death of
14,000 Americans. People were especially annoyed that Disneyland had to be closed for decontamination.

And so, in the midterm elections, Republicans regained control of both the House and Senate, and the rest is history.

The impeachment proceedings against President Obama for "failure to protect and defend" were swift and nearly unanimous. Vice President Sibelius resigned. Newly-elected Speaker of the House, J.C. Watts, became the 45th President of the United States.

But you know the rest of the story well.

Republicans finished the war on Islamic fundamentalists, largely by aiming ICBM's at Mecca and Medina.

No Democrat has been elected President since.

Republicans have held both Houses of Congress.

History of Western Civilization and Economics are now taught in all public schools; and in English only.

Marriage is defined as one man and one woman.

And there are border fences, north and south.

We old codgers remember the ancient Confucian curse: "May you live in interesting times."

Well, 2010 was an interesting year, but it was not a good year to be President."

For My Sister-In-Law, with Love

2008-07-19T08:41:00.001-07:00

Sara, I'm not sure if you can clearly make out the snake in the back of the cave. But I KNEW you would appreciate capturing him on film, so just for you I climbed in there and got a picture.

Pictorial Update..... words to come later....

2008-07-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

Noted

2008-07-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hi Liz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there its been updated.

good times!

2008-07-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks Ang for the trip down memory lane!!

Jammin'

2008-07-03T06:10:00.001-07:00

I tried to explain to him that the music sounded much better if he actually put the cd into the player.... but he insisted that it sounded just fine like that....

***********************************************************************************

Have a safe and happy Independence Day!!!

Thank you to all of our soldiers and their family's for protecting our FREEDOM!!!

xoxoxo,

Jeanne & Truman

More Pictures!!

2008-06-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

Truman was so well behaved during the 8 hour drive I thought he deserved to drive a bit too...

Truman's new best friend, 1 year old Jack Russell, Ms. Rosie. Don't worry it's purely platonic.

Dirty mountain dog. He really loves our trail run in the morning.

Misty lake, just before the sun comes over the mountain.

"Crick" just off the lake. I start my run in the mornings next to this :)

And by tomorrow, I of course meant next week....

2008-06-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

(UPDATE: I don't know what's up with blogger tonight, but its being finicky about uploading, so stayed tuned for more pictures. I'm over it for tonight)

Sorry about that..... but here I am!

I'm not sure where to start or how much to explain! I was barely unpacking my last box in the new apartment, extremely stressed about where my next job was going to come from.... whe

n literally out of nowhere I received a phone call from a fairy godmother, with whom I had previously interviewed with, but was told that she was not looking to hire this year, wanting to know if I was still available?!

The catch?....

I needed to move to North Carolina for the summer, by the following week!

So, let's skip all the dramatic details, and catch up!

I LOVE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot praise God enough for the complete undeserved GRACE and blessings He has given me through this job. I have a BEAUTIFU

L (FREE!!!) home to live in for the summer (in the mountains!!!), a WONDERFUL, THOUGHTFUL employer who has gone out of her way to make me feel welcome and wanted. I was invited to bring Truman, who has been made to feel just as welcom

e as I. And I have the opportunity to market, sell, and WEAR extremely fine jewelry all summer!!!

I am beyond humbled at the way the LORD has taken care of me. There are no words to

express the gratitude, only the comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit can properly express my love for the LORD. I feel so unworthy of how lucky I am, but fall asleep each night knowing that I am tucked in by HIS love. Blessed be the name of the LORD!

Please enjoy the pictures. I sure am :)!

The front yard....

And the backyard....

Undeserved Grace Quick Update

2008-06-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

I've moved to North Carolina.

Within two weeks, I received a fabulous job offer and packed up enough stuff for 6 weeks and moved.

I love it here.

I may never leave. (Although ask me again when the weather turns cold)

I just wrapped up my first week and am utterly, joyfully exhausted.

I'll post pictures and explain more tomorrow.

But now, I'm going to curl up with Truman (of course he is here!), open the windows and fall asleep listening to the sounds of the mountains.

God is so GOOD!

Big Day!

2008-06-15T04:55:00.001-07:00

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

I love you and am so blessed to have you as my father!! I wish I could give you a hug in person!

XOXOXO

(also, today I celebrate the ninth anniversary of my 21st birthday)

For Amy Jo. I know you're lurking....

2008-06-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago at church one of the elders gave a talk on the story of the Jesus healing the paralytic. (Luke 5:17-26) Just as my mind started to wander, as my ego assured me that I had heard this story before, the elder took a brief left turn with the lesson and commented on the deep friendship the paralytic must of had with his companions to go to such a length to get to Jesus.

I've never really stopped to think about that before. I've always focused on Jesus displaying his power to forgive sins, thus truly healing the man. To me the paralyzed man and his friends were character actors, additives to the story.

The Elders comment really got me thinking about what about the commitment level of this man's friends?! I'm sure the paralytic must have been a huge burden to his friends. Its not like they had a wheelchair to push. The friends had to carry this man. And what did the paralytic have to offer his friends. He certainly couldn't be there to help his friends with 'buddy projects'. But, these friends were so committed to their friend that not only did they not give up when they couldn't get in, they physically climbed on top of a roof, carrying the cripple, cut a hole in the roof and lowered him down!

Now fast forward to last week...

I was emotionally paralyzed last week. The move, the finality of the marriage, all of it brought me to my knees. I couldn't properly function as adult. The movers showed up at the house and I was frozen. I couldn't stop crying.

And who should appear? My roof cutter friend Amy!

So to Amy I would like to publicly say! THANK YOU! I could not have made it through that day without you. The depth and strength of your friendship has pulled me through these rough waters. Your kind words have soothed my hurting heart, and your humor has lifted my spirits! And I will forever be grateful for your introduction to Bagel Bagel! Amy, I hope one day, if there ever comes a time when you need me to cut a hole in the roof, I can return the favor ;)

I hope that from now on, I will always strive to be a 'roof cutter' friend!

For The Parents: My New Digs

2008-06-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

Mom, I'm sorry you were unable to come down for a visit! Dad, as you can see the red pub table is still alive :)

p.s. Blogger was being really weird about uploading the photos.

2008-05-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

From "Thoughts in Solitude"

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, You will leave me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore, I will trust you always,
although I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
and You will never leave me to face my peril alone.

Thomas Morton

Cha cha cha changes

2008-05-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of some big transitions these days. Packing up the house, moving, looking for a new job, the lease on my car is up. And oh yeah, I turn 30 in less than 30 days.

I miss Cambodia.

Weird

2008-05-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

I came across this story while eating lunch today.

I almost vomited.

Your reaction???

Uh God, can you hold on a sec, I have someone calling on the other line...

2008-05-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

That's how I feel these days. There's so much background noise in my life right now it's hard to hear. So much worldly chatter. So many big decisions I need to make up my mind about, my brain is constantly buzzing. While I say that I'm prayerful about my needs and God's will, my prayers are mostly in the form of "Uh, yeah, Hey Lord, I'm real busy so I know You know what I need, can You just tell me what it is?" or "Thank You for Your wisdom, but can you just be a little clearer, I have some where I need to be"

I find myself zoning in and out of prayer worrying about other things or trying to squeeze in a quick prayer before I fall asleep. I'm even ashamed to admit that I was sending work texts during bible study last week.

It was so easy to be in love with the Lord in Cambodia. He was palpable there. Everywhere I turned I could see, hear, touch Him. I was in constant conversation with Him. I sought Him for everything in Cambodia. Somehow, when I returned to the States, back to my daily life, I figured He'd still be hanging out right beside me. Even if I didn't give Him my constant attention. I thought we'd bonded in Cambodia. I thought I'd grown and matured as a Christian. I could take my training wheels off when I got home. I thought I could take a few steps on my own, and use pray as more of a consultation since I'm so busy.

So, its no shocker, today I woke up tired and drained. I feel disconnected. My heart feels empty, my soul lonely. All of a sudden I found myself asking "hey Lord where are you? I'm lonely today? My heart hurts. Why don't I feel you with me today?"

Then I remembered. I'd put God on hold, thinking I can click back over when I had time to really talk. Or to really listen.

The most amazing thing is, I know He's right here. Ready to speak to me. So if you don't mind, I'm clicking over to go talk with Him for a nice long time.

Our God is an Awesome God.

2008-05-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

The garage door is broken again. Let's hope I do not have to use this negotiation tactic again.

In other news, my current job with the Jacksonville Symphony is keeping me extremely busy. The Symphony and PGA Tour have teamed up to host an event on May 23rd. My job is to find funding via corporate sponsors. Not easy to do when everyone is screaming recession. Most of my time is spent dialing for dollars on the phone or sending countless emails. So by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is be in front of the computer!

But, don't worry. My contract with Symphony is up after the event and I promise promise promise I will post stories and pictures from Cambodia.

2008-04-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Tiffany!!

Tiffany has been such a prayer warrior for me in the last month. I hope you will all join me in praying for her and her sweet family during the next few weeks!

more pics!

2008-04-18T05:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't had the opportunity to write down my thoughts or experiences. Since I've been back, my life has seems to have been non-stop. Hopefully I'll get a chance this weekend to put down some notes. Until then, enjoy a few more photos.

just a few pics...

2008-04-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

Home Sweet Home

2008-04-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

Well, despite American Airlines best effort to keep my from it, I'm am finally home!

It only took an extra 12 hours, but I finallly made it and my luggage was only two days behind me. I'll try and post some of my favorite pictures later today.

Thanks again for all the prayers and well wishes!

Onward Home

2008-04-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm at the airport in Phnom Penh, check-in and ready to go.

So an estimated 30 hrs from now I should be home!

See ya'll stateside!

Bunches of love,

Update: The was a mechanical difficulty on the flight from PP to Taipei, so I'm stuck in the Taipei airport waiting to be rerouted through Seattle. blah! Actually I feel VERY blessed that I was actually able to get a seat on a flight out today! So, I may be delayed - but I'm still homeward bound! (Side note: did you know that the word Hobo is actually from the words 'homeward bound'? I'm sure by the time I'm home, after 30 hours of travel, I'll smell like a hobo!)

Winding Down

2008-03-31T05:27:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that tomorrow begins my one week countdown to my departure. I have tried not to think about how quickly the time has gone, but my students are all aware of when I leave, and each on today asked repeatedly as to when I would be coming back. It was heartbreaking to say, I don't know, and then watch their faces as they understood.

My plan for the week is to catch up with the medical missions team on wednesday to spend a couple of days on the boat traveling up the Mekong river to visit some of the remote provinces that have little to no access to medical help. The team who runs it is amazing, and I am thankful to be able to spend sometime with them. They are in desperate need of a doctor, so if anyone knows of someone who is looking for a big adventure....

As soon as I get back from the boat I have one more class with my students, then I'm off to Siem Reap to explore the ancient temples of Angkor Wat. I couldn't find anyone who hadn't been, or who wanted to go again so I hired a guide to show me around. First thing on my agenda when I get there is to ride an elephant around the temples. Too cool!

My time in Cambodia has been amazing. I'm still trying to comprehend all that I've seen, done and learned. I know that I came here to 'teach' english and to share God's love. But truthfully, I think I've learned more here than I could have ever have hope to teach.

This will probably be my last post until I"m back on US soil. Please keep me in your prayers this last week. Pray that the seeds planted here will take deep root. Not just in the students, but myself as well.

Chomm reap lea! (Khmer phonics to say 'fairwell")

Vietnam or Bust!

2008-03-26T04:39:00.000-07:00

I made it to and from Vietnam.

And I busted. Literally. From food poisoning.

Warning: The story below is not for the squeamish.

I'll start from the beginning.

Despite the intro of this blog, the trip was great fun! My traveling companions, who are two fellow teachers (side note: both teachers are in their mature years. One being the wise age of almost 83. She is a hoot, who, if it came down to her and I in a street fight, I'd put my money on her) Anyway, we loaded a bus Saturday morning for the 6 hour bus ride into Hochimin City (or to you baby boomers Saigon) The bus ride was a great way to see the country side. It is still the considered the dry season, so not many of the rice fields were in bloom, but the 'cows' here have just had their calves and it was fun to see all of them roaming around. It was also another opportunity to see how deplorable housing is here.

We stopped mid way through the trip at a roadside restaurant to take a lunch break. I had been warned previously to pack my own lunch, which I am SO GLAD I took that advice. It was very ethnic to say the least. While at the lunch stop, I learned one of MANY lessons that would be taught during my 2 day journey. ALWAYS ALWAYS bring your own TP when traveling through the countryside of a third world country. The drip dry method does not make for pleasant travel! Also, practice the length of time you can hold your breath while actually using the "toilet". I estimate your going to need about 45-50 seconds of lung capacity, if you have your routine down.

The rest of the miles past by with ease and by 3:30 we were rolling into the bus station. We grab our bags, took a taxi to the hotel, checked in and were off to walk about town. Hochimin is very clean compared to Phnom Penh. I guess that's what a little communism gets you these days - clean streets and gutters. That night we ate at a great Vietnamese restaurant on the recommendation of the hotel desk clerk. I didn't get to crazy, I just ordered Yellow noodles with steamed veggies. Pretty tasty.

We went to bed early Saturday as we had a big day planned for Sunday. (Okay, actually I had my own room and I was excited to watch TV. So I wanted to go lay in bed. I haven't turned on a television since I've been here and people -they had HBO!)

Sunday we woke up early to find and attend the Christian church that meets in the city (more on that below) After eating breakfast at the hotel we walked couple of blocks to another hotel where church service was. After lunch we decided to a visit a few museums. While I was strolling through the war remnant museum learning a new version of the "American War", my stomach began to feel a little, shall we say, unwell? I thought maybe just the heat was getting to me and asked my traveling companions if they would mind me heading back to the hotel for a rest. Always up for a nap, they both quickly agreed to come too.

This is where the weak stomachs may want to stop reading....

No sooner had I laid down in the hotel room, I was making an Olympic pace dash to the bathroom where I proceeded to expel what felt like everything I have eaten since 1999. What didn't come up, went, shall we say, down? I have never, in all of my life been so sick. At one point I thought it would be easier if I just reached down my throat, pulled out my stomach and threw IT in the toilet. When I finally did make it back it to bed, I pleaded, begged God for some small drop of mercy. And seriously, miraculously, around 4 am I began to feel better. In fact, by 8 am I felt okay enough to shower and walk down to the corner store to purchase some ritz crackers and soda. Not wanting to miss anymore of my trip, I forced myself to go ahead with my day. A few dizzy spells and waves of nausea aside I felt mostly human and enjoyed my day. We visited the Independence Palace, the Cathedral and the Post Office (I know. The Post Office?. But the architecture is amazing.) We ended with a nice dinner at the Rex Hotel. I say nice, because what the ladies ordered looked nice. I ate a few dry french fries.

Monday, we woke up and shopped the Ben Thrangh market. It was pretty similar to the markets here in PP, except the merchants in Vietnam are much more aggressive is their selling approach. They actually reach out and grab your arm to pull you into their both. It was a little unsettleing. Around 3 pm we called it a trip and headed to the airport to fly back to Phnom Penh. It was good times for sure. I'm glad I went.

(Yes, I do know the exact meal which gave me the food poisoning. It was the eggs at the free continental breakfast in the hotel)

On a serious note. I want to write a little about the church in Vietnam. What they do is highly illegal. Meeting freely to discuss Christ in a communist country. It will get you thrown in jail for years. Yet these faithful people, have such a love and devotion to the Lord and one another, the meet once a week in a small hotel room to praise and worship. Sometimes more that 100 people cram into a room with little room to move and no A/C. They all know the risks. Some have even been arrested and jailed. Yet they meet.

Tears came to my eyes as I sat among these brave Christians. I was moved at the thought of how heaven must be rejoicing at the sound of our voices lifted in praise. My voice singing in english, the small boy sitting next to me singing his heart out in Vietnamese. Yet both with the same language of love. How the angles must have joined in and rejoiced! Their message that day was simple. Trust and obey. These people trust in His goodness and faithfulness in a way that I've never had to. The message that I took home is while these fellow christians have little to no income, education, or worldly goods, the knowledge, and strength they posses is so great and they truly live what it means be in Kingdom of God here on earth. I left Sunday feeling inspiried, humble, and knowing that God is so good! I look forward to someday singing again next to my little friend. Only next time I hope we are both bathed in God's glory and his little hungry tummy is full forever by God's grace.

'Nam '08 Man!

2008-03-20T23:13:00.001-07:00

Whew! These days are flying by!

The trip to the provinces was not really what I was expecting. I have to somewhat shamelessly admit that I went the attitude and expectation of having some sort of Feed the Children infomercial experience. I expected to leave there in tears at what I saw.

Yes, what I saw was truly the most deplorable living conditions I've ever laid my eyes on. Garbage remains where it lands, which means everywhere. The smell in some of the places is no like no odor I can even begin to name. There is no access to running, or even fresh water is some places. Most homes are built with minimal lumber, instead using palm prawns to complete siding or roofs. None give relief from the incessant heat.

But..... the kids, these small little beings of constant movement, are some of the happiest children I've met in a long time. They all had bright smiles, and once each got to all touch my blonde hair and check out my blue eyes, were so much fun to play with! As they all patiently lined up for lunch, the older siblings automatically paired with the younger to help. Each child put their hands together and politely bowed, looked me in the eyes and said "Akon" (thank you) No one grabbed, no one complained, no whined that someone else got a bigger piece. All smiled, ate, and after were ready to sing songs, play, or make fun of my language skills! It was a great day. My heart breaks for their living conditions, my heart longs to stay and help them find a better way to live, but no where in my heart did I feel pity. For they are happy. I feel that if I pity them, it would be an insult as to how they live life. They live with a content happy attitude. I can't say that is the feeling across all of Cambodia. In fact, I'm sure its not. I'm sure there parents are worn out from a life of hardships and naught. But, these kids, these babies, don't know that life yet, and for last Tuesday, I'm glad I got to experience life through their eyes.

Along with that feeling, I'm finding it hard to take pictures of people here. I feel like I'm say 'Hey let me document your poverty to show my friends and family when I get back to my rich life.' I have taken a few, when I' feel that it is not inappropriate, but its hard to do.

I'm off to Vietnam tomorrow. The bus ride to Ho Chi Min is around six hours and cost a whopping $12. I'm traveling with two of the other teachers from the school. One, being the mature age of 83, but I think in a street fight she could take me! We plan to stay 2 nights and fly home Monday.

I'm very excited to go. Wish me safe and exciting travels!

My Own March Madness

2008-03-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I just wrapped up my first week of teaching! It was awesome! I love, love, love my students! Most are at a 3rd grade reading and vocabulary level. ( I have to give a special shout out to Tiffany, without whom, there is no way on heaven or earth, the lesson plans would be nearly as effective. You left quite the legacy Tiffany!) So my job is not too difficult. Most often explaining confusing words or tricky pronunciations. (Example: The farmer produced produce. or The man deserted his dessert in the desert)

They are all eager to learn English and challenge me every day with their well thought out questions. Today, when reading the story of Moses and the Exodus from Egypt, the student asked why when God performed the final plague of the death of the firstborn, is it not a sin when God kills. It is also so special to look into the eyes of a student when they finally understand that our great Creator, the God who made the sun, moon, and stars, still cares about every detail of our lives too! I now truly understand the meaning of "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few". There is such a need for SO many things in Cambodia. Yet, the people still remain so gentle and loving. I don't know how I'm going to be able to walk away knowing what a need for help they have here!

I spent Saturday exploring the city. I went to both major markets and did an overall journey about town. I now feel pretty acclimated and can find my way home from most places. Hopefully now I can to explore a little more by foot or tuk tuk.

Tomorrow I will join up with the nutrition team and head out to the villages around Phnom Penh. The plan so far is to not only feed the kids but to try and measure an estimated 1,000 kids in the morning for shoes, then by afternoon be at the local orphanage to help out there! Wish us luck!

There is of course so much more to tell and say, but it is hard to find enough words to try and describe how wonderful it is here. Also, I'm sitting outside at the internet cafe and I'm starting to really get mauled by the bugs! So that's it for tonight!

My heart is for these people. Please keep them in your prayers! oxoxo

Answers

2008-03-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

Friday, March 14, 2008

Why am I here? Why Cambodia?

To run away? To prove something to someone? To prove something to myself? To do the work that God has asked me to do? Probably a little bit of all of those.

Mostly, I came to Cambodia hoping to escape my long-term heartache. To come to grips with the fact that I really am getting divorced. That despite all of my desperate efforts, it is going to happen. That I need to let it happen. I got on the plane hoping that something magical happens here to make everything I left at home better. But, unfortunately, the same emptiness I feel in my heart has followed me here and still calls my name at night to wake me from my sleep. My mind still cannot let go of the worries. I cannot stop playing over and over in my head – what if? What if things could work out like I want, what if I go home and all is forgiven and fixed. What if the past year has really just been a nightmare? What if when I leave to go home I really am all-alone.

My constant prayer here is to just let go. Let go of it all. Let go of my hopes, fears, anger, resentment, sadness, heartbreak, insecurities, wants, needs. I pray so strongly that God will provide me with some great answer as to how to actually lay it all down. I do faithfully trust in God. My favorite verse in the bible is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I truly believe this with all my heart. I read and say it to myself everyday, but still, I just cannot seem to let go.

I love it here in Cambodia. Not for one second do I regret coming here. I hope I was called here to do something or for some reason. I trust that God has a plan for me. I KNOW all of these things. Yet…… I still hurt. I still feel alone. I still pray every hour for Jesus to fill my heart and stop the dark loneliness that seeps in. I hear and see God in so many ways. I see His spirit in the eyes of the students I teach, as they try to understand His word. I see His compassion, and love working in the other teachers. I even see His plan working in many others around me. Yet… I still feel His silence in my heart.

I also know that this trip could be just that. A trip. Nothing more than a wonderful adventure to tell.

I know too, that in Gods eyes this trip could be nothing about me. This could be about God using me for someone else. That my pain is just pain. A lesson as part of a larger plan for someone else.

But my heart wants it to be so much more. My heart wants it to be the beginning of a new path. A new life where I take deep breaths of love and exhale peace, not a life to breathe just to make it through the day. I want this heartache of hell I’ve been through to matter. I want to know that I’ve changed. Not just emotionally, because one cannot go through divorce without acquiring deep scars to wear. But, I want to know that this has changed me for the better. I need something dramatic to let me know that after I walk through this shadow, I have an action to prove that I changed.

I want it all to matter.

Safely here!

2008-03-11T04:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm here safe and sound. I arrived Sunday at 11amish after almost 28hrs of travel. All connections and flights were fairly uneventful. Although on the leg from LAX to Taipei I sat in front of a toddler who seemed to get seizers in her legs every couple of hours where she felt she must make contact with the back of my seat. Other than that it was all smooth.

Obtaining my visa and getting through customs was ridiculously easy. The visa cost me $25, and took less than 5 minutes after I smiled sweetly at the guy behind the counter. No questions asked. Same with customs. Although I was warned that all I really needed to do was smile, nod and keep walking through the customs area, as the agents could care less about a blonde round eye.

Bill and Marie-Claire, the directors of Partners In Progress were waiting at the airport as I arrived. We went directly to the PIP house, to meet and greet everyone, but I was informed that my room was not quite ready (there were still people staying in it for one more night) so I would be staying the night at the home of an american couple my age, Troy & Tabitha. They run the nutrition programs for the villages and were really sweet.

Jet lag hit me hard after that so I pretty much slept off and on for the rest of sunday. Monday morning TnT (as I nicknamed Troy and Tabby) dropped me off back at the PIP house where I met with Marie-Claire and had my teacher orentation, house and class room tour. After lunch I officially moved into my room and unpacked. While unpacking I thought I would lay down for a bit and rest. I woke up 9 hours later. Oops. So I just went back to bed and slept until morning.

Today, Tuesday, I had my first students. They all amazed me with their level of comprehension. Each one challenged me in different ways to explain the many difficult definitions of words that have double meaning in the English language. Ex: The farmer produced produce. I am humbled as I still cannot even properly say hello in Khmi.

As I write this I'm sitting at the Java cafe sipping on a Vanilla Soyachino paying a $1 an hour for internet and listening to a little Tom Petty play on the radio. Its a strange city. So desperate to catch up with the other large asian countries but still so ravaged by its history. I cannot wait to get out and explore more of Phnom Penh. I met another great couple from the states who teach at the actual Phnom Penh university and they offered to take me out Saturday and go to all the markets and see all the tourist sites. I can't wait. I was also invited to travel to Ho Ci Min City next weekend and overnight trip.

Sorry to ramble and be a bit vague, I'm still a bit foggy from trying to adjust to the time difference.

I'll try to post some pictures soon!

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane....

2008-03-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

Don't know when I'll be back again.....

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

xoxoxox,

Cake and Church

2008-03-02T09:01:00.000-08:00

My wonderful friends threw me a little Bon Voyage party last night. The theme of the night was centered around good ol' American grub! Burger, Hot dogs and French Fries were the main course, as well as some pulled pork BBQ! It was a ton of fun and I felt so honored to have my friends all together to wish me well on my up coming journey.

However, the BEST edible surprise came in the form of my most treasured possession!

That's right! A cake in the shape of Truman! It's was awesome! It tasted just as sweet as I expect the real Truman would!

To my girls in Jax, thanks for such a great night. It means a lot to me that you fully understand and support my extreme obsession with my dog! I love you all!

On to church this morning..... I'll make this brief, but I welcome your thoughts.

I worship at a fairly large, conservative (read: old) Church of Christ. While I don't necessarily agree/or disagree with all of the traditional CofC 'policies', and have visited multiple other churches in the area, I love the message from the pulpit minister and have found a great support group of women and surrogate mothers through this church family.

A few months ago the church's original pulpit minister (who was very fire & brimstone) retired, and the Youth & Family's preacher (who is awesome) filled that position, which leaves an opening for an associate minister.

All that to say, we had a 'guest' praise and worship leader today. (I'm assuming the elders are testing people out to fill the position. This guest, however, was a very energetic young fellow, who I can only describe as over-caffeinated. ) So after one of the elders led the congregation in a few opening songs (Dad, you would have approved they were very traditional) this guest praise leader gets before the congregation and proceeds to lead a few more songs. He steps in front of the church, briefly introduces himself, then literally cranked up his microphone and vocally jammed out to "What a Fellowship". He snapped his fingers at the church a few times to encourage us to speed up in our tempo, and walked up and down the aisle to sing-a-long with fellow parishioners. While most of us younger members were somewhat enjoying this unorthodox style of singing, it was clear on the faces of the older founding members of the church, this was appalling. It was so appalling in fact to the older couple to my right, the gentleman slammed down him hymnal, grabbed his wife's elbow and stormed out of the sanctuary mid verse!

Now, I can't say that I would enjoy having this young man leading me every Sunday, but I knew it was just for today, just for these two songs, and that a great message from the Word was on its way. My initial thought was to go after that man and ask him, who at that moment did he think had just won his heart. Jesus or Satan? (but who am I to ask that!)

To me, it was just a song, led by someone who is young, and drinks too many double shot venti espressos. To me worship time, as a whole, is about fellowship, a message, a time to rest my soul with other believers. I find it difficult to understand, why people get so distracted and overwhelmed by 'church stuff' instead of letting themselves be overwhelmed and distracted by the amazing Grace and Mercy so freely given by Jesus. I don't understand why background noise or human imposed rules outshine the beautiful words of our Savior! I don't understand how such a wide spread intolerance of "it must be this way, cause that's how it's always done" (not a direct quote by the way) can overshadowed the message of unconditional love.

That man who took his wife and left missed such a great message today! (Ironically 1 Corin 12:12-26)

I know there are too many opinions to count on this matter. But, I hope next time I come across something that is unconventional to me in terms of worship, instead of storming out, I hope I'll stop looking for it to be my way and check to see if its God's way.

Happy Leap Year Day!

2008-02-29T08:19:00.000-08:00

My friend Countney forwarded this blog to me. Funny.

A Little Truman Update

2008-02-27T04:12:00.001-08:00

2008-02-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

Well, as some of you may already know, or as Andrea so smartly guessed.... I am indeed traveling to Cambodia!

I will be leaving March 8 returning to the states four weeks later. I will be staying in the capital, Phnom Penh, working with Partners In Progress.

I will explain more tomorrow as I have been on the computer all day working on another project and my hands are cramping up from typing.

For now I ask that you please keep me in your prayers. While I am confident that this is what God is calling me to do, I am anxious to travel to such a foreign culture by myself!

Thanks for those who have sent kind emails of support.

Below is the picture of my digs while I'm staying in Phnom Phen.

I also welcome any travel advice or tips!

The Answer Is.......

2008-02-17T16:29:00.000-08:00

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?

coming tomorrow! (monday) : )

ok ok ok here's a hint...

2008-02-14T12:03:00.000-08:00

though, ryan your suggestion is not entirely out of the question...

And I Mean Huge!

2008-02-13T04:11:00.000-08:00

Big, extra large, colossal, humungous, excititng, terrifying, extraodinary.....announcement coming soon to this blog....

Stay tuned :)

I'm Baaaccckkk!!!

2008-02-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

Soooo.....I've sat down at the computer a couple of times this past week (ok month), but end up just staring at the computer screen not knowing where to start. Then, a very wise friend advised me to just start typing, don't worry about explaining where I've been. Sooo... I'm back! Too much to explain too small a vocabulary. But restasured I'm back and in one piece.

At the very least, for those who still stop by to check on me, here are a few pictures from the past month to give some small montage as to what I've been doing...

Thanks to my parents and Jim & Sara for the incredible xmas gift in which I used to capture the pictures!!

My Real Life Griswald Neighbors

2007-12-24T17:39:00.001-08:00

In the past week both Jim & Angie have linked to some fun, tacky and otherwise ostentatious examples of holiday lights. However, I must say, they have got NOTHING on my neighbors.

Yes, this is for real. Yes, this video is filmed from my front yard. Yes, it really is that loud. Yes, they play the show every hour on the hour from 6 until 10 pm. And yes.....I love it!

My neighbors are great! It takes them about a month to construct the project and I cannot even begin to imagine their electric bill! So, every night for about 4 weeks I have 20 - 30 people standing in my yard on the hour. It truly is a great neighborhood spectacle!

Enjoy! And Merry Christmas!!!

Click here for Holiday Light Show!

Older and Wiser......most of the time

2007-12-22T10:04:00.001-08:00

A very Happy Belated Birthday to my brother Jim!

I love you and am so blessed to have you as an older brother. Your unconditional love and support are true gifts to my life.

Hope you feel as special as you are!

Ummm...Good Dog?

2007-12-20T14:34:00.000-08:00

Garage Door Repair Consultation: $50

Garage Door materials & labor:$25

Truman dry humping the garage door repair mans leg as I was trying to negotiate a lower cost: Priceless

What....? Who....? Me.....?

Holiday Eating Tips

2007-12-19T16:47:00.001-08:00

I have to credit my friend Bebe for this:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-maltscotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an 'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me. Have Two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the wholepoint of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and NewYear's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: if you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips:start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

~Happy Holidays~

Fa la la la - tacky

2007-12-19T05:09:00.000-08:00

I had my annual ugly Christmas sweater party over the weekend. It was a great time! I'll post more later but here are a few highlights:

Unfortunately, it started raining towards the end of the party. In the chaos of people coming and going Truman got stuck outside for a bit......

I heart you too

2007-12-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love … real love … is not about getting, it’s about giving. Love is not about me, it’s about the one who is loved. It’s not about my needs, it’s about the needs of the other person. It’s not about what I want, it’s about focusing on the other person’s wants.

Love does not come naturally. My nature is selfish. It is my nature to focus on what I need and what I want. It is my nature to be sure that I am provided for. Love goes against my nature. Love requires that I say “no” to what comes naturally for me and deliberately choose a different course, a course that is focused on someone other than myself.

The perfect example of love is seen in Jesus Christ. There is nothing about Jesus’ life that was focused on Himself. He perfectly demonstrated a life given for the good of others. And He calls us to follow His example.

Oh soooo comfy

2007-12-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

I spent all day yesterday on the couch (pardon the bad pun) sick as a dog. As you can see, Truman was more than willing to keep me company!

Nightmare???

2007-12-04T04:18:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that I moved to New York City, applied for employment with a nanny service and was interviewed by Sen. Barack Obama for the position....

He was very pleasant in the dream. I'm not sure if I got the job.

Interpretations anyone?

Now lurking...

2007-11-30T13:24:00.001-08:00

My new favorite website: The Daily Coyote.

Not only are the pictures amazing, but the story and updates are heartwarming.

I still think Truman's the cutest though

So Crafty!

2007-11-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

My friend Bebe designs and makes the cutest kids clothing ever! I am sooo not crafty, and can barely sew a button on straight so I really admire her creativity and skills as a seamstress. To check out her stuff click on the links below:

http://www.bebebrent.etsy.com/

http://www.mom-b.com/

While I was hanging out with Bebe last evening she challenged me to purchase only 'homemade' gifts this year. Watching her work so hard, and realizing there are so many other moms who are doing the same, I decided to take her up on the challenge and support them by shopping on www.etsy.com.

I know this post sounds like an infomercial, but I really did find a bunch of cute things! Happy Homemade Shopping!

Slumber Party

2007-11-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

As you can see, Thanksgiving wore Truman out! We hope your holiday was blessed and that you continue to enjoy a leisurely weekend. (Unless of course you choose to be one of the millions participating in "Black Friday", then good luck!)

p.s. This photo was not a set-up. I was vacuuming the house when I noticed Truman had gathered all of his friends for a little mid-afternoon siesta! So cute!

Gobble, gobble!

2007-11-21T04:19:00.000-08:00

My friend, Jenn, sent a few Thanksgiving cartoons that brightened my day. So I thought I would share! I hope everyone has a blessed and safe holiday! We all have so much to be thankful for!

Professor Randy Pausch Last Lecture

2007-11-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

Carnegie Mellon University Professor Randy Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer. With a diagnosis of only a few months to live, he recently gave his last lecture at CMU. In CMU tradition, the professor's last lecture topic is usually based on the hypothetical situation: if you were dying and this was your last lecture, what would you say to your students.

Unfortunately, Randy's situation is not hypothetical. The original lecture can be viewed here on youtube, or you can watch his reprised version that was on Oprah which is linked below. (I enjoyed the Oprah version)

I am inspired at the manner in which Randy chose to address his topic. I encourage you to watch the video in its entirety, but if you do not have 10 minutes to spare try watching from 7 minutes in to the end.

Click here for Randy's lecture video

I want to be a TIGGER! (watch and you'll understand)

Weekend Update - late

2007-11-15T04:38:00.000-08:00

Last weekend my best friend and her parents drove up from Sarasota, FL to visit me. It was a wonderful visit and absolutely lifted my spirits. Jenn and I met when we were both part-time waitresses at a little bar and grill in Sarasota. We have become great friends over the past few years and I feel so blessed to have her and her family in my life. Joan and Lou, her mother and father were like my second parents during my time in Sarasota and I miss them all greatly. Here are two of my favorite pictures from the weekend.

Jenn, you have become an incredible mother! Thank you so much for your friendship and unconditional love and support! Joan and Lou, I am eternally grateful for your hard work this weekend! The sight of the mended fence still warms my heart. Lou, I still think the next time the rodeo comes to town you should enter the Lasso contest!

Miss you all!

Listen up

2007-11-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

Some of you might remember my previous post questioning how other people hear God in their daily lives. Since that post I have tried to be more sensitive as to the different ways God might be speaking to me. One consistent way I continue to receive messages is through words and music. I find that music strongly influences my mood and feelings. Recognizing that, I have greatly censored the music that I listen to, and often use words to songs that deeply move me as part of prayer. I was randomly downloading some new songs on to my iPod yesterday (Superchick is a new favorite) and stumbled across a new LeAnn Rimes song, "What I Cannot Change".

It brought me to sobbing tears. Below is the video and some of the lyrics.

Father God, help me to let go, forgive, and love what I cannot change, but please continue to change my heart. Amen.

Video!

(chorus, LeAnn Rimes, What I Cannot Change)
All the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Romans 9:16 It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire of effort, but on God's mercy.

100

2007-11-05T17:43:00.000-08:00

My sister-in-law inspired me to make a list...

1. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday

2. I just started drinking peppermint tea, and I now love it more than coffee.

3. I take my first professional golf lesson tomorrow

4. I am absolutely in love with my dog.

5. I am writing this list to avoid giving the dog a bath

6. Reading is my favorite way to spend an afternoon

7. I HATE being cold. I'd rather sweat than shiver

8. Spaghetti O's is my favorite comfort food

9. I had my tonsils out one year ago

10. I've never had stitches

11. I've only been to the ER once in my life

12. I am a morning person

13. I ate a whole bag of m&m's when I was 12 and got sick

14. I didn't eat m&m's for 5 years

15. I'd rather have sweet than salty foods

16. I cried everyday for 2 months when I moved to Jacksonville.

17. I have Tupac and Celine Dion on my ipod

18. I think I've read all of James Pattersons books

19. Narnia is my favorite movie - ever!

20. Harrison Ford is still my favorite actor despite the fact that he is dating Allie McBeal

21. Canada would not let me across the border when I was 5 and had chicken pox

22. I do not have a favorite color.

23. Peony's are my favorite flower

24. Sushi is my favorite meal to eat out

25. I can't eat fish if I cook it

26. I hate to pump gas and will do almost anything to avoid it

27. I have no idea how much a gallon of milk cost.

28. I would fail miserably on Price is Right

29. I didn't go to the dentist for 14 years

30. I've never regretted moving away from St. Louis

31. My parents are two of my best friends

32. I've owned 4 cars in my life

33. I've wrecked two cars of the 4 cars

34. I've had more than 10 speeding tickets

35. I still speed

36. I've had 2 gerbils, and two dogs as pets.

37. I wear contacts and am blind with out them

38. I am adopted

39. I don't know how to drive a stick shift

40. My brother taught me how to drive (which really explains all the speeding tickets)

41. I used to read the dictionary in the bathroom

42. I'm a horrible speller

43. I hated school

44. I have PCOS

45. I lock myself out of the house often

46. I've never run out of gas

47. I've lived in MO, CA, & FL

48. I'm awful at returning phone calls and emails

49. I just learned how to balance a checkbook

50. I loved summer camp

51. 2nd grade and sophomore year were my favorite in school

52. Truman is sitting in my lap and really needs a bath

53. I never went to prom

54. I speak too often before I think

55. I wish I lived closer to my family

56. I have horrible motion sickness

57. I am allergic to penicillin

58. I have no food allergies

59. I'm only suppose to eat 100g of carbs a day.

60. I always go over 100g

61. I like to see different cities

62. But I don't like the travel part of traveling

63. I like solitude

64. I hate goodbyes

65. I cry often when I pray

66. I drink hot chocolate even in the summer

67. Fiji water is my favorite

68. I can tell the difference between Aquafina, Dasani, and Zepherhills water

69. I prefer red wine to anything else

70. I prefer hockey to football

71. I'm right handed

72. I only just stopped hating my first name (sorry mom)

73. Barbie was my favorite toy

74. All of my Barbie's got 'haircuts'

75. I strongly dislike reality TV

76. and no I'm not smarter than a 5th grader

77. I cannot go #2 away from home.

78. #77 makes it really hard to travel

79. I used to call my nose a pig nose

80. I've always wanted a nose job

81. I'm to scared to get one

82. I did get veneers

83. It was sooo painful

84. I'm so happy I got them

85. I'm happier when I'm tan

86. I prefer massages and pedicures

87. I've never had a facial that felt good

88. I have gray hair

89. I pull out the gray hair

90. I don't think Truman is getting a bath tonight

91. I don't like talking on the phone, but get sad when people don't call

92. My skin breaks out in red when I get nervous

93. I always fall asleep with the TV on

94. I prefer heels to flats

95. I will suffer for fashion

96. I want to go to Italy

97. It takes me a couple tries to swallow a pill

98. I take three big pills every night

99. My favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird

100. I love how many people I've reconnected with through blogging!

Whew! Now its your turn.

Trick or Doggy "Treat"!

2007-10-31T05:57:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday!!

2007-10-29T05:37:00.000-07:00

Anniversary

2007-10-25T05:18:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been one year since this.

When I'm old, wrinkled, and gray, that will undoubtedly be one of the few memories that I hold on to!

The Paradoxical Commandments

2007-10-24T05:31:00.000-07:00

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

Some almost Friday fun!

2007-10-18T04:39:00.001-07:00

Trick or Treat give me something good to eat!

Tricks or Treats?

2007-10-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

:)

I have to admit in the past few years I haven't really been into Halloween. Mainly, because I don't have kids and I don't usually enjoy dressing up. However this year, I'm a little more excited. Maybe because its a reason to do something fun, or more likely its because I cannot wait to dress Truman up in the hilarious costume I purchased. (Pictures to come) Since it's been awhile since I celebrated I found a little Halloween quiz to help me get more in the mood.
Let's play!

How much do you enjoy Halloween? I guess I'll let you know. I have really fond memories as a kid. My dad was always awesome about celebrating Halloween!

Do you think Halloween is too commercial these days? Do you miss the traditional costumes? I think all holidays are too commercial. I can't remember the last time I saw a ghost or astronaut. I think some of the homemade creativity has been lost too.

Do you give out candy? If yes, what kind? I plan on it. Most likely whatever is on sale. Any suggestions? I anticipate a lot of kids.

What has been your favorite costume? As a kid or adult? One year as kids Jim & I dressed up as a Pilgrim and an Indian, respectively . If I recall correctly we won a contest at the school parade. As an adult I bought a large green sweatsuit, filled it out and used make-up to give myself a black-eye. (Get it - black eyed pea)

When you were growing up what was the weather like during trick or treating? Did you ever have to wear a heavy coat over your costume? Yes, I remember being devastated about having to put a coat over my Cinderella dress and freezing another year dressed as a pair of dice which included black tights.

What was your favorite candy as a kid to get? The big Reese's peanut butter cups. There was one neighbor blocks away that always gave out full size candy bars. Halloween was not complete with out a visit to her house. Ironically, the lady next to her handed out apples...

Do you think Halloween costumes today are too provocative for kids and teens? YES!!! Again what's wrong with being a ghost or astronaut?

What is the first costume you remember ever wearing? The Indian costume in kindergarten. I know there were some before that. (Mom, any ideas?)

What are your Halloween plans this year since it falls on a Wednesday? My neighbor across the street turns his house into an unbelievable haunted mansion for all the neighborhood kids, so I'm in a pretty high traffic area. I plan on inviting a few people over and hand out candy.

I tag Jim, Sara, Angie, Jesse & Andrea!

What do ghost serve for dessert?

Ice Scream!

Happy Trick-or-Treating everyone!

Am I Beautiful?

2007-10-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

beau·ty (byū'tē) n., pl. -ties.
1. The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.

2. One that is beautiful, especially a beautiful woman.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am currently reading Captivating by John and Stasi Elderedge. A topic the authors touch on in the beginning of Chapter 3 is beauty and how the longing to feel beautiful or 'captivating' is something every woman struggles to achieve, whether through tangible means, like make-up, or a new hair color, or through discipline and self-improvement.

As I was reading I began to wonder, do I know any woman who could answer with complete confidence, "Yes, I am beautiful!" Not in a conceited manner, but with the stability of really knowing that she is beautiful spiritually. I think the answer is no, I do not know a woman who would say a 100% yes. If I am wrong, I would love to hear from you and be your friend!

Beauty has always been a battle for me. Until now I defined myself on what I looked like physically. Was my haircut stylish, was my clothing trendy, did my butt, thighs, etc look fat? And oh my word, the make-up consumption. I could open my own cosmetic counter at the store.

But lately, I've finally begun to look inward for my beauty and examine what I looked like in my heart. Its not beautiful. Not even pretty. I personally define beauty as pure, natural, unblemished. I certainly am not any of those things. Does that mean, I'll never be beautiful? I hope not.

The book points to the story of Eve in the bible. Eve was created in Gods own image (as we all are) and was considered beautiful not because she had physical attributes but because she was spiritually walking with God. Only when she ate the apple did she become aware of her flaws (nakedness). Therefore technically when we walk with God we should all feel beautiful. But I don't. And I think that is the ultimate sin of Eve. It was part of God's plan for us to believe we are beautiful. The bible loves women. Just read Song of Songs. Saucy! Eve took that away from woman. Now instead of cherishing what we were truly created for, we will always have a longing to be truly, naturally beautiful.

(When did we as women begin to define beauty as something commercial or cosmetically attainable? I applaud Dove for there real beauty campaign, but again it begins by addressing physical beauty. )

I guess my point is, that I want to challenge myself (and you) to change the way I define beauty. I want my answer to be "Yes I feel beautiful", but mean it from the heart not the face (or because my skinny jeans fit that day). I want to encourage every woman I meet to feel beautiful, and own that feeling. I want to walk with confidence and smile because my heart feels beautiful.

One last thought on the story of Eve. God was done with creation when he created Eve. He was walking with Adam in the garden when He noticed something was missing from His masterpiece. One final touch, or piece de resistance, was needed. And that was woman. Woman was the last beautiful detail needed to complete God's perfect plan for creation. That makes me feel good. Without the beauty of woman, God's work was incomplete! :)

Random Thoughts, Updates, and Blessings

2007-10-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

So obviously my computer has been down. Turns out some neighborhood rodents had been snacking on my cable wire. After the nice Comcast repair man explained the situation, I turned to Truman and asked him why he was not patrolling the perimeter better, he looked back at me with an 'as if' expression and walked over to his down filled bed to lay down. Oh well, problem solved, and at least Truman's a good snuggler.

So now I'm sitting here thinking what to type or where to start.

In regards to my personal life, things haven't changed much. I haven't heard from or had any new "news".

But, I think that's okay. I'm okay. I've had a great week filled with uplifting activities and great friends.

I have missed my blogging friends and family. I see many of you have exciting news to report. Angie has hilarious stories and great pictures as always. Both Dusty and Craig had amazing posts regarding some subjects that I have really been struggling with.

I did not realize how dependant I am on my Internet. I am nourished by a lot of the blogs I read. I keep up with friends that I haven't seen in years. All my cooking recipes come from the Food Network! With all this free time I've had on my hands I was forced to do something I hadn't done since I started blogging.....read a book!

I began two that I highly recommend:

Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Finding God's Path Through Your Trials by Elizabeth George.

They are in fact so good that I am going to cut short this update to get back to reading Captivating. (I think every woman should read this book)

I'll leave you with some truths I have learned this week:

I can see God's hand at work in my life everyday. The multitude of answered prayers in my life is overwhelming. I look forward to sharing them with you

I am seeking to live the life He has called me to more fervently than I have ever done before.

I am learning His truths in a deeper way than I ever thought I was able.

I see relationships growing in areas I would have never chosen or expected, with great openings to share where my strength and joy is coming from.

I care more deeply for others who are hurting, because I now know the hurt, the pain, the rejection.

I can walk daily with confidence and security knowing that my path is guarded and chosen by Him.

I've missed you all :) Keep updating!

Back On-line!!!

2007-10-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

Ohh internet how I've missed you!

opps!

2007-09-27T05:59:00.001-07:00

I'm still here! My computer was acting out a little last week, in addition to starting a new job, my life has had few spare moments.

I'll try to do an update tonight. Things are still an emotional roller coaster these days.

"Yeah, that's the Ticket." or "Totally Tubular!"

2007-09-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Liz sent me this hilarious list! I think I'm guilty of almost all of these! What are some others that are missing?

You know you grew up in the 80's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do theCarlton
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried tostart a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes orplaying cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watchcartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screenand still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer classat school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirtin a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She'sTruly Outrageous.)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all TheRamona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nosefell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pail kids in theschoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because youexchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know youare, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inlineskates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. Don't worry, be happy
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high topReeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down
46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulderlike you were all that.
47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49 You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don'teven flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird
57. Homemade Levi shorts..
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'boutWillis?"
65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren'tyou!

Guess....

2007-09-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

what I did for the first time today?

Answer!

Things I've Learned From My Puppy

2007-09-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

1. Everything should be investigated with joyful curiosity.

2. Friends come in many forms.

3. Everything can be a toy, but that doesn't make it safe to play with.

4. Sleep is good, but always be ready for action.

5. Learning earns rewards.

6. Just because I'm on a leash doesn't mean I'm not going anywhere.

7. Forgive as if it never happened.

8. Discipline is for my own good.

9. Puppy kisses are a cure-all.

10. Love everyone abundantly without reason.

11. The best place to rest is in my Master's lap.

Perdón?

2007-09-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

Our Tuesday ladies bible class began today. The subject: Forgiveness. I believe it is one common trait that all of humanity struggles with, to give and to receive. This illustration was used and I thought I would share.

We were to each bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we'd struggled or refused to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write the name and date on it and put it in the bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine were quite heavy.

Then we were told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying around spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated in to a nasty slime. This was another great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to another person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift to ourselves.

Mark Twain has a great quote: Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.

So next time you decide you can't forgive someone, ask yourself - Would I rather have the fragrance of the violet or a slimy bag of potatoes!?

Weekend Update (a week late)

2007-09-08T08:21:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I'm late with the St. Louis visit, but trust me I have a good excuse. Its been a tough week. I thank everyone for their prayers. Keep them coming!

I spent A LOT of quality time with my parents. In fact I don't think I've spent that much time at home with my parents since before I got my drivers license. But I enjoyed every minute of it. (ok maybe every minute is a bit much, but taken on an hourly average it was good.) (kidding mom and dad, i love you!!!!)

On Friday morning I had coffee and wonderfully uplifting time with my friend Tina. After, my parents and I spent the afternoon in Historic St. Charles Missouri. Cute little town. I was unaware the it was the original state capitol. We ate at the Little Hills Winery and sipped on some of MO's finest red wine. We then headed home, stopping by Glendale's Annual Ice Cream Social. It was fun. I visited with old neighbors and caught up on the latest news (like where the new town stop sign is going. hot stuff i tell ya). Then just to throw in some more calories for the day we went to Ted Drew's. Always a favorite. If you've never been or haven't gone in a while you must go. Best frozen concoctions ever.

Saturday and Sunday were lazy days around the house. We ran a few errands and worked out in the yard. Attended Mid-county church on Sunday. One Saturday stop we made was to North City Church of Christ. They recently purchased a beautiful old catholic church and have begun renovations and plans to turn it into an amazing out reach program. If you are in St. Louis and have a desire to be part of a truly inspiring inner city program defiantly check them out. I pray for their endurance. Its quite a project!

My favorite day was Monday. I got to have lunch with an old friend and her precious, precious daughter. Andrea and I became friends over 14 years ago. Could be longer, but that's as far as I am willing to date myself. We have the typical story, we were great friends, grew a part, re-located to different cities, and joyously reconnected! Andrea, I truly cherished our time together. You have grown into an amazing mother, and beautiful woman inside and out!

Truman traveled like a pro and was a perfect angel all weekend. He even got me upgraded to first class on the way to St. Louis! There are only two dogs allowed in each cabin on the plane. Fortunately, two dogs had already been checked in the coach cabin so the only space left for he and I was in First Class. How cool! He charmed everyone in the cabin and was even offered his own bottled water. Pampered Pooch! And though you might have a tough time getting them to admit it, my parents fell in love with Truman too. They even started referring to each other as Grandma & Grandpa to him! Unfortunately, even though Truman has been house broken for some time he did have two 'accidents' on the carpet. However, now that I think about it, in both cases neither Mom or myself were around and Dad was the only witness....hmmm.

I hope everyone had a great shortened week. God continues to bless my life, and Satan continues to counter attack. I am so encouraged by the notes and messages you all leave. Thanks again.

Always in perfect time.

2007-09-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

I just viewed a comment Jim left after he viewed the slide show (see previous post) He watched it at a time when he needed to and thought how great God was with timing. Amen. I then clicked on Dusty's link who directed me to Craig Hick's blog. Go read Craig's blog. Now. Then come back and read on.

Go on. Go. Read.

Wow! Talk about timing. What amazing words that brought me to body shaking sobs.

My anger has destroyed my life. Its cost my everything. Literally. I am on my knees, bare and humble before God.

But, that's the good news! Seriously.

While I am truly brokenhearted and crushed in spirit, my fall has made me cling on to the one true being who can save me. My heavenly Father. My suffering has restored my relationship with Him. I know I have many dark days ahead of me. My faith is being tested second by second. I am hurting in a way there are no words for. In a time where the days are so dark, I have a Light shining down on me. I have received more undeserved blessings this week than I can remember. I have found a new church family. I have reached out to faithful people who I had lost relationships with. I have found a new comfort and power in prayer. I have hope in Christ. I have no idea how things are going to turn out, but I have hope in Him because Christ tells me to. And I believe Him!

I am having a really hard day. I came across Craig's words at a moment when I was about to give in to the loneliness and despair. Gods timing is always perfect. Always.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Little reminders...

2007-09-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

Larry James linked to a beautiful slide show. I really enjoy some of Larry's insights. If you have a few moments it is totally worth it.

Click here. (Then click view presentation)

Blessings!