Uh God, can you hold on a sec, I have someone calling on the other line...

That's how I feel these days.  There's so much background noise in my life right now it's hard to hear.   So much worldly chatter.  So many big decisions I need to make up my mind about, my brain is constantly buzzing.   While I say that I'm prayerful about my needs and God's will, my prayers are mostly in the form of "Uh, yeah, Hey Lord, I'm real busy so I know You know what I need, can You just tell me what it is?" or  "Thank You for Your wisdom, but can you just be a little clearer, I have some where I need to be" 

I find myself zoning in and out of prayer worrying about other things or trying to squeeze in a quick prayer before I fall asleep.  I'm even ashamed to admit that I was sending work texts during bible study last week.

It was so easy to be in love with the Lord in Cambodia.  He was palpable there.  Everywhere I turned I could see, hear, touch Him.  I was in constant conversation with Him.  I sought Him for everything in Cambodia.  Somehow, when I returned to the States, back to my daily life, I figured He'd still be hanging out right beside me. Even if I didn't give Him my constant attention.  I thought we'd bonded in Cambodia.  I thought I'd grown and matured as a Christian.  I could take my training wheels off when I got home.  I thought I could take a few steps on my own, and use pray as more of a consultation since I'm so busy.

So, its no shocker, today I woke up tired and drained.  I feel disconnected.  My heart feels empty, my soul lonely.  All of a sudden I found myself asking "hey Lord where are you?  I'm lonely today? My heart hurts.  Why don't I feel you with me today?"

Then I remembered.   I'd put God on hold, thinking I can click back over when I had time to really talk.  Or to really listen.  

The most amazing thing is, I know He's right here.  Ready to speak to me.  So if you don't mind, I'm clicking over to go talk with Him for a nice long time.

Our God is an Awesome God.