From "Thoughts in Solitude"

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, You will leave me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore, I will trust you always,
although I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
and You will never leave me to face my peril alone.

Thomas Morton

Cha cha cha changes

I'm in the middle of some big transitions these days.  Packing up the house, moving, looking for a new job, the lease on my car is up.  And oh yeah, I turn 30 in less than 30 days.

I miss Cambodia.

  

Weird

I came across this story while eating lunch today.

I almost vomited. 

Your reaction???

Uh God, can you hold on a sec, I have someone calling on the other line...

That's how I feel these days.  There's so much background noise in my life right now it's hard to hear.   So much worldly chatter.  So many big decisions I need to make up my mind about, my brain is constantly buzzing.   While I say that I'm prayerful about my needs and God's will, my prayers are mostly in the form of "Uh, yeah, Hey Lord, I'm real busy so I know You know what I need, can You just tell me what it is?" or  "Thank You for Your wisdom, but can you just be a little clearer, I have some where I need to be" 

I find myself zoning in and out of prayer worrying about other things or trying to squeeze in a quick prayer before I fall asleep.  I'm even ashamed to admit that I was sending work texts during bible study last week.

It was so easy to be in love with the Lord in Cambodia.  He was palpable there.  Everywhere I turned I could see, hear, touch Him.  I was in constant conversation with Him.  I sought Him for everything in Cambodia.  Somehow, when I returned to the States, back to my daily life, I figured He'd still be hanging out right beside me. Even if I didn't give Him my constant attention.  I thought we'd bonded in Cambodia.  I thought I'd grown and matured as a Christian.  I could take my training wheels off when I got home.  I thought I could take a few steps on my own, and use pray as more of a consultation since I'm so busy.

So, its no shocker, today I woke up tired and drained.  I feel disconnected.  My heart feels empty, my soul lonely.  All of a sudden I found myself asking "hey Lord where are you?  I'm lonely today? My heart hurts.  Why don't I feel you with me today?"

Then I remembered.   I'd put God on hold, thinking I can click back over when I had time to really talk.  Or to really listen.  

The most amazing thing is, I know He's right here.  Ready to speak to me.  So if you don't mind, I'm clicking over to go talk with Him for a nice long time.

Our God is an Awesome God.

The garage door is broken again.  Let's hope I do not have to use this negotiation tactic again.

In other news, my current job with the Jacksonville Symphony is keeping me extremely busy.  The Symphony and PGA Tour have teamed up to host an event on May 23rd.  My job is to find funding via corporate sponsors.  Not easy to do when everyone is screaming recession.  Most of my time is spent dialing for dollars on the phone or sending countless emails.  So by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is be in front of the computer!

But, don't worry. My contract with Symphony is up after the event and I promise promise promise I will post stories and pictures from Cambodia.